Covers the cost of printing 7 copies of one 48-page issue of the Cornell Lunatic.

Cover the cost of printing 15 copies of one 48-page issue of the Lunatic.

Covers the cost of hosting the Cornell Lunatic website for one year.

Covers the cost of printing 75 copies of one 48-page issue of the Cornell Lunatic.

Funds the publication of the Lunatic's Freshman Orientation issue, a 16-page newspaper distributed free at the start of the fall semester to promote the Lunatic and recruit new staff members.

Covers the cost of printing 300 copies of one 48-page issue of the Cornell Lunatic.

Covers the cost of printing 750 copies of one 48-page issue of the Cornell Lunatic.

Cover the cost of printing 1,000 copies of one 56-page issue of the Cornell Lunatic.

Covers the cost of printing 2,000 copies of one 72-page issue of the Cornell Lunatic.

Builds a palace surrounded by a moat for the Lunatic in the middle of the Arts Quad and named after you.

Funds the launching of the Cornell Lunatic's first manned-mission to Jupiter to spread humor throughout the galaxy.

Pays off the national deficit and gets your photograph on the cover of the next issue of the Lunatic as "Person of the Century" and a fifty-foot tall statue of you erected on Ho Plaza.